Welcome to week 3. Due to the overwhelming (-ly negative) response to last week's Mustache Microscope segment, I've decided to depart from the standard update format this week. Mix it up a bit. You deserve a break.
Of course, without The Mugshot this whole endeavor would really become pointless. So we'll do that. Then we'll launch into "Musings of a Mustached Man," a reflective essay about where the mustache fits into the grand scheme of things. Shall we? OK.
The Mugshot
Musings of a Mustached Man
Man has had facial hair ever since, well, man became man. Homo sapiens sapiens. That would be roughly 160,000 BC (if you buy into the whole "evolution" thing). Hair in general serves many purposes, such as providing warmth, protection from the elements, filtration of harmful particles, sensory extension, reduction of friction, and the trapping of scents and pheromones. As our human ancestors evolved, the need for thick coats of hair diminished. The Savanna Theory hypothesizes that hominid invention (i.e., use of tools) resulted in increased hunting activity during the day, under a sweltering African sun. Evolution compensated by reducing the amount body hair, which in turn improved the evaporation of sweat (to aid in cooling). Skin pigmentation then increased to provided protection from the sun in the absence of hair. Fascinating, no?
After about 60,000 years of unregulated growth, man came to find excessively long hair somewhat of a nuisance. The first method of hair removal is believed to be plucking, utilizing two seashells as tweezers. It was another 70,000 years before the dawn of the razor - a sharpened piece of flint used to lop off unwanted hair (and I thought my Schick Slim Twins were rough).
Once man began to shave, he discovered/devised various practical and cultural reasons for doing so. In all the experimentation, it was inevitable that a permutation now known as the mustache would come into being. The first historical evidence of the mustache comes from a Scythian painting, dated to 300 BC, depicting a mustachioed man wearing a cape on horseback [yes, insert Zorro quip here].
So 2300 years later, I too have a mustache on my face (humor me please, we're not all of Scythian decent). Considering the vast progress we've made as a species over those millenia, what relevance does the mustache hold in modern society? After spending three intimate weeks with one, I hope to provide some insight.
The answer lies in the fact that the mustache is completely and utterly arbitrary. Throwing out arguments rooted in ever-shifting social mores (professionalism, manliness, attractiveness, charitable deeds, etc.), there exists no fundamental reason to grow or not grow hair on one's upper lip. If there were truly a logical, universal reason, wouldn't some smart individual have uncovered it in the last 2300 years? In this sense, the mustache is a microcosm of life itself. There is no single, absolute answer as to why. So the mustache perseveres, just like life.
What, then, can the mustache teach us? Plenty. Taking a cue from the Chinese yin-yang, allow me to introduce the mustache's min-mang:
Min - Today's man believes himself to be one of technological sophistication. We've got robotic vaccuum cleaners, magic cell phone thingies, flying cars (well, not quite), and shavers that wish they were designed by NASA. Yes, we really are on the cutting edge. Then again, which generation wasn't? Until we figure out that confounded time travel, every new generation will be on the brink of discovery. But it makes a man feel good to say thinks like, "Wow, what an amazing time to be alive!" Makes a man feel accomplished, advanced. It lifts him above the simple animal, and even above his predecessors. These are the same instincts that drive a man to be clean shaven.
Mang - At the same time, man knows that regardless of his sophistication, he is not a god. Like the animals around us, we too need air, water and nourishment. Like our fathers before us, we too will experience sadness and joy, hatred and love. We will always face conflict, always endure hardship, and always ponder our own mortality. No matter what height our technology reaches, we cannot rightfully deny this primal, animalistic element of humanity. We must respect the natural order of life. These are the same instincts that drive a man to let his facial hair grow free.
And when you find the Min and Mang in concert, you find the balanced man. The man who tempers sophistication with humility, advancement with reverence. The man who is not clean shaven, but does not grow a full beard. The man who wears... a mustache.
- Matt "Mo Staches Mo Problems"
References: http://www.wikipedia.com/, http://www.quikshave.com/timeline.htm
1 comment:
Ok, but bear with those of us who loved the Microscope view. Where else are we gonna get updates on Cool Hand? Paul Newman has already passed this year, so don't you think we've suffered enough already? Good gracious, let us hold onto the sanctity of something, even if that something is as miniscule the weekly comfort that Cool Hand brings us.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Cool Hand"
"Thank goodness, now I can escape the doldrums of mediocrity that is my life, full of worry about financial instability and rising water, the imminent downfall of civilization. Thankfully, Cool Hand offers a brief respite from a tumultuous perilous world."
You've willfully taken that from us. What do we have left?
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