'Stache Update - Week 1

Hello Donors!

The moment you surely have been waiting for... the Week 1 'Stache Update!

First and foremost, thank you for your support. Financially, we've already earned enough to buy a reading-time rug for a 1st grade classroom! Morally, I've been able to keep this fragile psyche patched up. So thanks again!

Each weekly 'Stache Updates will feature:
- The Mugshot
- Lip Service (a summary of mustache developments)
- Mustache Microscope (close-up mustache pics)
- 'Stache Stats

So without further ado....



The Mugshot







Lip Service

"The Seedling." That is the name of my 'stache for week 1. While my follicle density leaves something to be desired, the growth rate is actually surprising. On average human hair grows at a rate of 1/2 inch per month, and my mustache seems to be keeping pace. Hmmm, sparse but long hairs on the upper lip... the recipe for creepy. Hey does anyone know how to braid? ;)

My strategy for week 2 is to eat healthy so those little guys have some fuel for growth, and to pray that a few more whiskers show up late to the party. If they don't, I'm going to have to invent some type of mustache comb-over, utilizing the length of existing hairs to cover up any bald spots. Yikes.

There is one whisker I'm particularly proud of. He is located at the very lower fringe, and is growing against the grain. Ah, a rebel... he will hence forth be known as Ol' Cool Hand. I'll point him out in "Mustache Microscope."




Mustache Microscope

DISCLAIMER: This section contains mustache images of a graphic nature. Those with a history of heart disease, women who are pregnant or nursing, and those afflicted with vertigo should avert their gaze.

Here is a close up of my upper lip, so you can get a true feel for what is going on up there:

And introducing Ol' Cool Hand. Man I love this guy!






'Stache Stats

# of Hairs = 225, rough count
Avg. Length of Hair = 7/64 in.
Total Mustache Growth (TMG) = 24.6 in.

That's right, over 2 feet of mustache grown!!!

Because not all portions of my upper lip were created equal, below is an analysis of my week 1 progress. These growing zones will help you visualize the pattern of my 'stache's future growth.

Zone #1: Turtle
Zone #2: 3-Legged Rabbit
Zone #3: Rabbit

This analysis was also fed into a Cal-Berkley supercomputer, where a series of algorithms were implemented to project final growth results and match those results with the appearance of a well-known, mustachioed figure. At the end of week 1, the computer predicts my mustache will be a match with... (cue music from horror movie) Adam Morrison, of Gonzaga basketball fame. Notice the heavy mouth-corner growth, with increasing scarcity toward the mid-lip. Things could get ugly folks; stay tuned.



Kindly,
Matt "Mo Staches Mo Problems"