'Stache Update - Week 2

Welp, the picture says it all. Hello and Happy Thanksgiving!

A day late, but hopefully not a dollar short. My apologies, I got caught up in the festivities. Let's jump right into it then.

The Mugshot

Lip Service

"The Highwayman." Robbing stagecoaches and such. That's how my week 2 'stache makes me feel. A little surly. A bit of an outlaw. People can't quite figure out where I'm coming from, and they're a tad uneasy in my presence. No clear-thinking, reasonable individual would allow that to be on his face. He must have some crossed wiring. He must have nothing to lose.

The good news is that the existing whiskers are growing steadily. The bad news is that they are alone in their efforts. As feared, my upper lip is suffering from Latent Follicle Syndrome (LFS, for short). Apparently there are a bunch of whiskers who didn't get the memo about puberty. "Oh, were you talking to us 14 years ago? (OK, OK, six years ago)" they ask, naively. You can see them just peeking out, being very noncommital about the whole thing. I can't really blame them, though; they're the smart ones. Hangin' back, chillin' out. Not having to worry about when the next gleaming metal blade is coming to mow them down.

Oh, but if I could only convice them! If they could only see what their participation means! Forget healthy eating (that didn't happen anyway), it's time for Rockne-esque motivational speeches. Additionally, I'm now watching this video every night before bed. Keep your fingers crossed that week 3 will bring more favorable results.

Mustache Microscope

DISCLAIMER: This section contains mustache images of a graphic nature. Those with a history of heart disease, women who are pregnant or nursing, and those afflicted with vertigo should avert their gaze.

So, I purchased a new camera this week... 10 megapixels, 6x optical zoom, and a macro mode to die for. In other words, this is really going to get graphic, folks.

Do you see them? Do you see those shy little guys? Imagine how much more full and manly this 'stache would be if I could just field a full team.

Oh, lest we forget about Ol' Cool Hand. He's the one in the lower left corner, turning up his nose at your social mores. Let's pay that ol' boy a visit.

Hey there, Cool Hand. Looking good!




'Stache Stats

# of Hairs = 225, rough count
Avg. Length of Hair = 13/64 in.
Total Mustache Growth (TMG) = 45.7 in.

Despite the lack of new hairs, we're still up to a whopping 3 ft., 10 in. of mustache growth! If you're having trouble visualizing all that growth embodied in one giant whisker, maybe this will help:



Once again, the mustache data was fed into Cal-Berkley's supercomputer. While the computer still ultimately projects an Adam Morrison 'stache match, it can now use the multi-week datapoints to generate alternate scenarios. If new growth improves (dependent upon the quality of my motivational speeches), the computer envisions a potential 'stache match with... Orlando Bloom. NOTE: prettiness is not factored into the calculations.




While still lacking in fullness, notice the even growth distribution and respectable hair length. Here's to hoping.


Until next week,
Matt "Mo Staches Mo Problems"

'Stache Update - Week 1

Hello Donors!

The moment you surely have been waiting for... the Week 1 'Stache Update!

First and foremost, thank you for your support. Financially, we've already earned enough to buy a reading-time rug for a 1st grade classroom! Morally, I've been able to keep this fragile psyche patched up. So thanks again!

Each weekly 'Stache Updates will feature:
- The Mugshot
- Lip Service (a summary of mustache developments)
- Mustache Microscope (close-up mustache pics)
- 'Stache Stats

So without further ado....



The Mugshot







Lip Service

"The Seedling." That is the name of my 'stache for week 1. While my follicle density leaves something to be desired, the growth rate is actually surprising. On average human hair grows at a rate of 1/2 inch per month, and my mustache seems to be keeping pace. Hmmm, sparse but long hairs on the upper lip... the recipe for creepy. Hey does anyone know how to braid? ;)

My strategy for week 2 is to eat healthy so those little guys have some fuel for growth, and to pray that a few more whiskers show up late to the party. If they don't, I'm going to have to invent some type of mustache comb-over, utilizing the length of existing hairs to cover up any bald spots. Yikes.

There is one whisker I'm particularly proud of. He is located at the very lower fringe, and is growing against the grain. Ah, a rebel... he will hence forth be known as Ol' Cool Hand. I'll point him out in "Mustache Microscope."




Mustache Microscope

DISCLAIMER: This section contains mustache images of a graphic nature. Those with a history of heart disease, women who are pregnant or nursing, and those afflicted with vertigo should avert their gaze.

Here is a close up of my upper lip, so you can get a true feel for what is going on up there:

And introducing Ol' Cool Hand. Man I love this guy!






'Stache Stats

# of Hairs = 225, rough count
Avg. Length of Hair = 7/64 in.
Total Mustache Growth (TMG) = 24.6 in.

That's right, over 2 feet of mustache grown!!!

Because not all portions of my upper lip were created equal, below is an analysis of my week 1 progress. These growing zones will help you visualize the pattern of my 'stache's future growth.

Zone #1: Turtle
Zone #2: 3-Legged Rabbit
Zone #3: Rabbit

This analysis was also fed into a Cal-Berkley supercomputer, where a series of algorithms were implemented to project final growth results and match those results with the appearance of a well-known, mustachioed figure. At the end of week 1, the computer predicts my mustache will be a match with... (cue music from horror movie) Adam Morrison, of Gonzaga basketball fame. Notice the heavy mouth-corner growth, with increasing scarcity toward the mid-lip. Things could get ugly folks; stay tuned.



Kindly,
Matt "Mo Staches Mo Problems"